I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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