There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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