Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
