Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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