i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
