i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
