I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
