Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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