your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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