I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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