i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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