I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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