I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
