i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
