i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
