hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
