final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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