you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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