at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
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Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
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Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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