I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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