butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
