shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
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I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
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Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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