I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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