Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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