I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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