Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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