This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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