come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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