Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
