Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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