DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize