Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
