I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
