my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I need water and some morals
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
