We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
