haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
