Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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