Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
