What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
