I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
