there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
