I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I understand Curling. That high.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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