Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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