sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
