Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
