I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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