my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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