you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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