This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
