WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
