I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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