I accidentally had phone sex last night
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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