The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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