I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
