If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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