I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
