my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
