I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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