After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
