I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
