You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
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My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
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You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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