I want to stick my p in your. b.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
