He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
