guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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