I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
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I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
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Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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