If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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