Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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