a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
