i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
