I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Fuck appropriateness.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
