my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
