fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize