the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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