and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
