Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
