she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
