Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
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I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
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I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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