I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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