I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
