Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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