He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
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