This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
