I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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