your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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