she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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