I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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