Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
