im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
