so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
