I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We were destined to go to rehab together
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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